Fastest. Fall. Ever.

Nutshell version in the something is better than nothing category.

October 4: Return from five lovely days in Mexico with Deeda. Barrett is walking!
October 9: Quick beach trip with the neighborhood gang.

October 16: B’s Bday. One. What? When? How? Sniff. Sniff.
October 24: Dewberry Farms for Tal's bday.

October 31: Halloween. School festival. Park Parade. Trick or treating and chocolate eating.
November 4: Touchdown, Washington, D.C. Megan Slack’s Wedding, Brunch with the Butera clan, a lot of walking, a cucumber mojito (or two) and one tired mama.
November 9: Livingston for the day. No rest for the weary.
November 10: Texas Conference for Women rocked and inspired.
November 12: Boulder bound. Buffs win. Party Party with old pals. There was a mechanical bull. There was a marvelous brunch.
November 20: Deeda goes to College Station. Aggies beat Nebraska. Record crowd!
November 24: Road Trip! Turkey Day in Dallas. Aggies win.
December 1: What month is it? Weren’t we on a beach in Playa a minute ago?
December 4: Tamale day. It’s official. The holiday season is here.
December 5: Santa came to the Sasser’s Christmas party. It's really official now.

Whew! It's been a whirlwind, but the best kind. We are so blessed with family and friends and our world revolved around both this fall.

In other news, today Barrett said "Bye-Bye" and blew a kiss for the first time. I melted.
He also says uh-oh, Mama, and all done.

G is beginning to read and loving his field trips. Today they went to see a Christmas play! He’s grown a full inch since mid-October and often just says for no reason at all, “Mom (0r dad), I love you.”

One.

Yesterday we celebrated B’s first birthday! At 10:33 a.m. I was rocking him for a nap. I noted the time, squeezed him tight and exhaled.

Something about one year birthdays are big to me. I remember feeling the exact same way at G’s first birthday. I felt like celebrating. I felt like I needed to take a deep breath.

I feel like I have been holding my breath a lot. Especially in the first few months. The fragile early, early days… The days that run together. When I try to think of those days now, I remember two days in particular. One day I consciously decided to do nothing but hold B and watch movies all day. We watched “Marley and Me.” The other stand out day was the day it snowed big huge flakes. The rest just runs together…

And then all of the sudden three months had gone by and it’s time to go back to “normal” life. And by the time everyone adjusts to the heartache of daycare drop offs and the daily schedule, six months has gone by. Total blur. That’s about the time I came to and get in enough of a rhythm to start trying to take in every little milestone. Next thing you know baby is mobile and everyone is just trying to keep up.

Add to the mix of life an especially crazy few months at the office, a shoulder surgery for deeda, and a much needed vacation for deeda and mama, and poof! Here we are. One year old! “And you may ask yourself, well, how did I get here?...Letting the days go by…."

As if at the moment he turned one he wouldn’t be a baby anymore, I spent a lot of time in the last weeks holding him closer and rocking him for longer than usual. And then the day came. And it went. On the flip side of the big birthday, I feel relief. He’s still a baby (for a little while longer, at least).

Friends and family joined us for a beautiful day. We had pumpkin cupcakes. Carmel apple dip. Popcorn. Bags of juice, wine and beer. We took the afternoon into evening with good friends. G may have had more fun than anyone... He got to open presents and have all his friends over.

As I get used to the idea of B being one. I get excited about what’s next. His personality is starting to show. Verbal communication is on the horizon! Formula’s days are numbered. When I think about it that way, I don’t know why I have this urge to cling to the babyhood. It‘s hard work! And they aren’t lying when they say it just gets better. Every year that has passed since G turned one has been more fun than the last.

I guess the clinging is just that they generally let you hold them and cuddle them at this age. And they smell so darn good. Boys don’t smell good the more they grow… pretty soon we’ll be one of those families that has to buy three gallons of milk at a time and we’ll have odor eaters on a regular rotation. I just flashed forward to imagine B at 10 and G at 13…

While we wait for the next milestones to arrive, here’s what I know about B at one year.

• The Bear is a lover. A real cuddle-bear. Has been from the get go.


• He is Zen-like easy going unless he’s hungry, tired or you need him to be still.


• He eats like a champ and likes almost everything he’s tried. However, it’s important to know he has an affinity to fruit and starches. If you offer him either of these first, all bets are off for whatever else is on the plate.


• He doesn’t do scheduled naps, but he does sleep like a champ. He’s slept consistently all night since about three months...


• He would climb the Empire State Building without hesitation, but he’s tentative about taking more than 4 or 5 steps at a time. Maybe it’s the feet. If he were a puppy I’d predict Great Dane at full size.


• He wants to walk all the time but since he thinks he needs a hand, he recruits whoever he can to tour with him around the house. He had Pops, Papa Mark and Uncle John on rotation yesterday.


• He wakes up happy and sings to himself while he patiently awaits the arrival of a groggy parent in his doorway. And when we arrive, his little head pops up and he breaks a smile you can barely see from behind the paci, but can completely see in his eyes.


• When he says mama, I melt. He also says all done, yeah and a-da (which is code for dada).


• He will tell you how it is if you had him a telephone. He gets the device is for talking.


• He loves his brother and any attention he gives him. G’s fake whistle is a particular crack up.


• He usually waves with both hands. He doesn’t wave on command as much as when he feels like it. He particularly feels like waving while riding in his new blue car.


• When he smiles he wrinkles his nose and puts his teeth together like a professional. He loves to see the camera come out and is usually good for a few smiles before he resorts to trying to get a hold of the camera.


• When he’s happiest, he laughs a noise that sounds something like a cold car starting. Eaaaaaaack! Eaaaaaack! Eaaaaaaack!
  
  

Couldn't leave off without a photo of G. He's a wonderfully giving brother. He was kind enough to open all of B's presents for him... in addition to giving his brother his own beloved "BC" blanket and pillow. All on his own he initiated this thoughtful gift of his own secuirty blanket and offered it the very first thing on the morning of B's birthday. He has the biggest heart!

Freeze Frame

A snapshot of our life: This evening there was some confusion between the words piñata and piano at our house. For a few minutes there, G had us all completely confused. He knew he had it wrong but every time he opened his mouth to say piano, piñata came out. We all laughed and he finally got it right…

Got to cherish those moments. The look on G’s face as he sounded out the word syllable for syllable, the prideful giggle that followed and the exchange of a glance between me and Deeda. The little things that prove G is still a little kid. The reminders are few and further between.

He just looks more mature in the face. He wears fancy tennis shoes and has favorite T-shirts he knows are cool. He sings Cheeseburger in Paradise and names the Foo Fighters as his favorite band. When Deeda carries him to the bathroom to brush teeth (a ritual 'round here) he looks long and his feet look huge. He is long. His feet are huge. Size 11.5 (and I have a size 12 in waiting). Other than the occasional vocab slip up or teary tired moment, the kid has really grown in the last few months. He’s writing his name, sounding letters and doing simple math at school. I think about where he was at the time of B’s birth and it seems like he’s come nearly as far as the little one. Leaps and bounds.

Of course, I feel like I could literally see B grow if I looked closely. It’s insane. At bedtime these days, we say “night-night.” He waves! And we go rock. We moved the rocker into his room about when he stopped falling asleep in the middle of whatever chaos was going on in the living room. Still the easiest child to put to bed, he’s typically asleep before I can sing a single round of Twinkle Twinkle. Rocking him to sleep is a pure joy and every night I hold him for a while as he sleeps so I can appreciate his babyhood. It’s the kind of moment I know I have to soak up. It’s the kind of moment that, tonight at 7:42, inspired me to get this entire thought process on paper.
Here we are and already B is ten months and a few days. It’s time to order birthday invitations. He’s been on the outside longer than it took to “grow him.” These are the last couple of months we count in measures of months... Sippy cups are in play. Bottles are less frequent… Crawling is turbo-charged and standing and stepping from one piece of furniture to another close by is a favorite game along with Peek-a-boo.

Tonight as we rocked I was thinking about how these are the best months of babyhood. There’s a routine in our life that’s in greater than three hour increments. Plus, he’s got all kinds of interactive tricks that are very entertaining. Most importantly, he’s still a baby by most accounts. He still feels like a baby, with his head in the corner of my arm, even if his feet are sticking out from under the other arm a quarter of a mile…He still looks like a baby in his footy PJ’s with his paci. He still sounds like a baby when he cries to be picked up or because I took my phone out of his hand… And he still smells like a baby just after bath and when he spits up all over his shirt each and EVERY morning when we put him in the car seat to go to school (there’s a magic button or something).

It’s in these months, the second time around (and almost certainly the last time for us) that I feel like I fully realize and appreciate the importance of soaking up the baby things before they completely disappear. And it’s this feeling—that can feel like sadness from time to time—that turns into the most genuine gratitude I have ever felt. All is right in the world for a few minutes while we rock. It’s this feeling—that can feel like sadness from time to time—that has me living more in the moment than I have since I was a child myself.

Ask my other half, I have been guilty on many occasions of making myself miserable by trying to look waaaaay down the road. I’ve wanted a detailed photo of what the future looked like. I wanted promises and guarantees. I didn’t realize it before now, but as a mom, I’ve flip-flopped. In fact, I’ve nearly neglected the future. Since G was born, I’ve been so focused on right now I haven’t looked down the road much… too busy to think beyond right this minute. This weekend. This month. Unless you’re trying to plan something with us, in which case as much advanced warning as possible is critical to getting on the agenda. We’ve got a lot of obligations you know. Always something…

I am in the process of balancing the future with the now. Living in the now—which is more than getting through the day. Planning for tomorrow, while appreciating tonight. Both are important. The kids grow up… all too soon, the kids grow up… When it comes to aging, the future always seems to arrive quickly. The future is all on the brain these days. It’s unclear in a lot of respects. I am thinking about how I want five years from now to look. 10 years from now. 20. In a good way, not the paralyzing way of the past.

In the mean time, I know this for sure: these days of being the parents of young children are a short time in our life. In reality it’s just a few years. I want to make the very most of them. So, that when we look back, it feels like longer than it was. It feels like longer than it was because there are so many wonderful memories made in this time—the short time is so rich.

I can draw a parallel to college. It was only four years (thank you very much), but so much happened during that time—it was such a great time—that when I look back it seems like a majority of my life's memory. In actuality, it was just a small fraction. And real quick, while on that topic, I’ll just add how excited I am about the plans in the works for the fall. Boulder, here we come.

We celebrated my uncle Steve’s 70th birthday over the weekend. A friend of his he’s known since he was 7 or 8 years old attended the gathering. That’s so cool. I hope my oldest friends make it to my 70th. I feel certain for Steve and his childhood friend David, “life moved pretty fast” (I loosely quote Ferris Bueller). Happy Birthday Steve!

At the same party, I visited with a friend and her 18 year old son. I remember when he was probably 5 or 6. Basically G’s age. How did he get to be 18? So. Fast. It was a couple days after the party that I saw a photo of the same mother and son on Facebook and it brought me to tears. I am certain it seems like yesterday that she sent him off to Kindergarten. I see in his face the little boy he was… but it’s just barely there. I see in her eyes the pride in what he’s become…Freaks me out. Here’s why…

On Monday we marked the first day of school and the first annual Boo Hoo Breakfast for my neighborhood circle of moms. It was an occasion worthy of a vacation day in the name of fun, total relaxation and distraction for a mama worried about her baby on his first day. I was happy to support my dear friend (with mimosas) when she returned from walking her little boy to the school around the corner for Kindergarten. I remember being 23 thinking my coworker was crazy when she showed up teary on the first day of school. I had no idea. But now. Now! I know that this school year will fly by and in the blink of an eye it will be my turn to take my first BABY to school. And about a minute after that, it will be Baby B’s turn… Make it stop. Just for a minute. Freeze the frame.


Remember this scene from Big? I couldn't find the whole thing... but this gives you the idea. It does seem like they grow up overnight sometimes.

sassy supersicle

There sure have been some good stories since the last post.

Like the Father's Day when G was so tired he fell asleep about 6:30 p.m. and when we woke him up to go to bed and Deeda shuffled him to the bathroom to potty, G literally pottied on Deeda, at which time Deeda's Father's Day celebration was truly complete.

Like G's first sleep over with Tal where I noticed the two of them playing like real friends do. Not playing side by side but feeding off each other... taking one another's imaginary world and making it their own...building a story together. Taking turns. It really was something to see. A major milestone as far as I am concerned.

Like B's first words... Da! Da! and every now and then you'd swear he spits out a sentence... in between motor boating. He loves to motor boat.

Just in the last week, at nine months on the dot, B has started with major protests when we take something from him or when he doesn't get what he wants. waaaaaaaaaaaaaah. It's new enough that it still makes me laugh...but before long we'll have to figure out how to take care of that.

Last week G wanted to wear his "Clark Kent" clothes, as in a button down shirt and clip on tie, to school because his new girlfriend Andrea wants him to dress fancy. I asked him what happen to Isabelle (the ex) and he said he just can't decide... good!

The other day I picked G up from school. The class was on the playground and G was sitting to the side pouting. The teacher made it clear hew was beating himself up more than he really needed to... so I went over and asked what happened. He didn't look up. He mumbled, "I used my super powers on Taylor." Now, I am not going to tell the child he doesn't have super powers. I just reminded him to use them for good, not bad. No kicking allowed.

There is something blogworthy nearly every single day at our house. I love that. But I haven't been good about keeping up...

Time flies. And that's what inspired me to sit down and quick get at least something down tonight. Because this morning... just before 6 a.m., B was making noise in his bed and Deeda brought him to our bed where he cooed and snuggled in back to sleep. Just after 6, G came in, his feet flopping all the way... and he crawled in next to me laying as close as he could. Still, snuggly, and quiet. And we layed there. And I thought to myself: these days are numbered. It's just that at these ages, it works as part of our routine.

Now, there are a lot of mornings when the four of us in one bed isn't so sweet. G is kicking, B is pulling up and playing with the blinds, I just want a few more minutes of sleep... and then B spits up all over Deeda and pretty much from then, it's "everyone up." But this morning, it was wonderful. The four of us. Before the morning madness began...

Look at these cuties. B is 9 mos with 7 teeth. G is 4 and a half and he is totally into superheroes.

Summer Fun's in Full Swing

I've been writing this post for a long while, saving it for a time when corresponding photos are ready to upload. But the post just keeps getting longer... and the photos keep getting put off. So, here's the recap of our May... Photos will follow. Promise.

At the start of May, Deeda and I basically said, "see you next month" and let the craziness ensue. As a result, I have actually come to realize that relaxing may, in fact, be easier away from the casa than at the casa. For one, sometimes the kids aren't with you when you're not at home... Two, when they are with you, there are more hands around to hold them. Three, I can't do the weekend list of chores if I am not here. So, I have no choice but to chill. That all said, I find myself weary after all our adventures in the last 30 days. AND I maintain that a weekend at home with no todos is about as good as (and in our case as rare as) a vacation.

May saw not one but two conventions for The Dental Network. Deeda is still brimming with new and exciting ideas... The boys and I managed swimmingly on our own, complete with a 7:30 a.m. meeting on day three. Made it on time thank you very much.


On the heals of Deeda's his out of town adventures I spent three nights in Orlando with the CP gang learning software stuff and having a great time. It was a working event but something about Florida, a hotel and dinner among good friends made is seem an awful lot like vacation to me. To top it off, we went to see the Blue Man Group. It's a visual feast and laughing felt so good. Meanwhile, Deeda and the boys seemed to manage just fine on their own... nonetheless, I bought $40 worth of Spiderman guilt gifts at the Orlando airport. Deeda is really the one who deserved a gift.

In between Deeda's convention and my conference we squeezed in a trip to Austin. We played with the Slack's on their boat and had our inaugural meal at Buster's Barbecue, a new venture Nana and Papa are enjoying being a part of. It was a quick but good visit.

Memorial Day weekend, we hit the road for Dallas to enjoy what has become somewhat of a family tradition of pool time and catching up with Grandaddy, Nennie and the Perritte aunts. Though, none of us stand a chance of catching up with Aunt Alyssa, it was good to work on our tans.

I am happy to report G seems to have retained his swimming skills. That said, he nearly had to sit the swim time out after a good bonk on the chin the previous weekend that resulted in two stitches. The minor emergency experience was truly the best it could have been. He didn't hit his head on the side of the neighborhood pool. Just the chin. Thank heavens. We didn't have to wait in the ER for hours. Thank heavens. And nobody passed out. A dose of good judgement told me to leave the room. And G was super brave about the whole thing. His bravery is truly an inspiration. I could see the fear in his eyes, and at the very same time the courage. Have I mentioned once or twice in this space how proud I am of that boy?

This past weekend, we made a long weekend of it in Galveston enjoying some quality time with the Bromley's and some new friends, too. Accommodations were superb! It's good to know people who know people... In total we had six kids and six adults. The 1:1 ratio is excellent for beach going. G reported tonight at bedtime (in a moment of clarity amidst total delirium brought on by total exhaustion) his favorite parts were playing at the beach, making sandcastles and sleeping on the top bunk! My favorite parts were the good friends, good food, good photo ops and a good look at the starry sky with Deeda.

Already we've had a lot of adventures this summer and the fun has just begun. All this traveling and some really good advertising makes me wonder about the swagger wagon...

Mother's Day

Mother's Day is my new favorite holiday. Today I was completely selfish and kept the boys all to myself. I had a little piece of heaven with each of them. My best days and my favorite memories are the ones we make when we're home with no agenda other than being a family.

The first actually came yesterday when Deeda came waltzing across the front yard at a block party like a knight in shining armor coming to the rescue after three nights away from home. I wasn't expecting him and I have to admit, I literally had to catch my breath. I was truly happy to see him. I missed him and secondarily, I missed his help.

The second came with the Bear this morning... we had one of those interactions that's a little deeper than the average coo and hair pulling. I can see the wheels spinning behind his eyes.

Later, G and I chilled on the sofa. We rested under the blanket, watched the world outside through the picture window and chatted about our plans for the afternoon.

Other highlights include a brief dance party G, B and Deeda stirred up. The giggling coming from G's room was enough to draw me in with the video camera. Later G and Deeda washed my car while B and I napped. The house was daytime quiet. The kind of quiet I usually only get late at night. daytime quiet is way better because it's rare. Very rare.

It was really a great day. I didn't do any laundry today. Even though it's piled up waiting for me. We didn't go to the store today... and I don't have our weekly meal plan in place....

We hit the neighborhood pizza joint for an early dinner. It was dinner out with a four year old and a 6 month old. It wasn't the most relaxing... Who's big idea was it anyway? (mine). But it was good. And the kitchen was clean when we got home. Best of all... on our way out the door a woman looked at me and said, "your children were so well-behaved." Whoever you are, nice lady at the restaurant, THANK YOU. Thanks for noticing. We're trying our very best!

Picture Spring

Last month I took an online photography class hosted at Big Picture Scrapbooking and taught by the wonderful Tracey Clark of Shutter Sisters. I had a great time!

I learned of the class at the (now somewhat infamous) Mom 2.0 conference (because I can't stop talking about it). And though I was skeptical that I would be able to make time to shoot a photo every day, I thought I'd try. In the end, I came close. There were times when I had to play catch up, but I am proud to say I completed 29 of 30 assignments. Letting myself have that one, is a lesson in and of itself.

Carrying the camera with me even to and from the office provided more opportunities than I imagined it would. I also had time to play with and learn more about my still new Birthday lens. Most of all, I was inspired and truly enjoyed interacting with the class and posting my images to the classroom gallery. Many a night I was up far too late "playing." Having a personal project in the works rather than on a perma-back burner does wonders for my mental state of "not having enough time."

The hardest assignment (I thought) was a self portrait. That was day #2 or #3 and I thought, "oh lord, I can't do this." But I did. And I included the portraits in this slide show to prove it. My favorite assignment was probably "catch lights" because it was all about catching the light in eyes. I had two wonderful subjects for that one! Past that, I had a good time playing with shallow depth of field and blown out color.

I feel like the collection I came up with documents what turned out to be a month of some major milestones. B crawled for the first time and G learned to ride his bike without training wheels. Moreover, the blooms that were just beginning on April 1 had fully sprung by the end of the month. And, I admit there are a lot of flowers here. But flowers are easy targets for a girl with a camera AND let's not forget the class was called Picture Spring.

On April 29, my photo was featured on Shutter Sisters. I thought I might burst when I clicked there to see who the instructor picked to feature that day! Because no matter how often my mom (love you mom) and the rest of the family comment on my photos, a little recognition from Tracey Clark felt REALLY good.

I planned all along to somehow collect and share the photos. The slide show posted here seemed like a good way to share with everyone. Quality is degraded in a big way... but it was fun to put together. For the high quality version, I am going to print a photo book. It will be fun to flip through in about 20 years.

Dee Dog

Last Friday Deeda and I had to choose to let our Dee dog go so she could take her place in heaven. Even though, there was no question it was time, I would consider it among the hardest things we’ve ever had to do.

Dee was our first child. A problem child, but our first child. Despite her somewhat unfavorable habits that became affectionately named “dumpster diving” and “jail breaks,” we loved her deeply and she loved us back with thousands of daily greetings, kisses and leg humping, of course.

Before G arrived, we were concerned about how she would react to becoming a big sister. She never disappointed. In fact, her patience was amazing. She, too, came to love G despite the fact he dethroned her. Likewise, G came to love her. The grief that came over him when I told him the news was heartbreaking, but heartwarming at the same time. While my own grief multiplied when I felt his too, I also felt proud of his ability to love so truly. And later, as we continued to discuss heaven and God, I was warmed by his questions about where “exactly” heaven is, how you get there and how many hands God must have to make all the animals and people in the world.
I literally watched Dee age over the last couple years and more so in the last few months as her geriatric problems multiplied. Guided by a wonderful vet we managed her medical problems as best we could with meds. But last Wednesday, she couldn’t get comfortable. By Thursday she wasn’t walking. Friday the vet seemed to think she had “thrown a clot” or essentially had a stroke. She wasn’t eating…

The house has been quiet. No knock at the back door. No clanking collar at the water bowl. No snoring. Man, she could bring the house down…

We’ve moved the trash can to the kitchen, but keep going to the laundry room with the garbage. I shut the gate before I get out of my car, just the same as I used to, and I am reminded there’s no dog waiting to escape or wagging her tail at the back door.

She is missed. There is a void. We’ve suffered a lot of family loss in just a few months… it’s never easy. But losing something that’s been a part of everyday is especially difficult. Dee was truly one of a kind. Our poo poo head.

All About April

B is six months old. How can that be? In one week he had his six month shots, crawled across the living room floor and sprouted his first tooth. Busy week for the little guy.

Specs: He weighs in at 18 lbs 12 oz, he’s 27.25” long and his head is 18”.

The new thing is a whining thing… in a cute way… almost the way a puppy whimpers with excitement. mmmmmm. mm.mmmmm.mmm.mmmm.

He continues to be an easy, easy (knock on wood) baby who virtually puts himself to sleep and stays that way (knock on wood again).

He thinks G is the funniest thing EVER. In fact, while mom and dad can get an occasional laugh, G is the one who can really get him going. Already, that baby wants to be where his big brother is and playing with whatever his big brother is playing with. He even seems to have an affinity for Buzz and Lightning.

Big brother remains cooler than ever with sharing his stuff and his parents with the little one. He loves the little guy as much as we do. He also loves riding his bike. One afternoon a couple weeks ago Mr. Claus caught his attention and convinced him he could do it without training wheels (we’d be trying but must have sounded something like the Charlie Brown teacher). Not unlike learning to jump off the diving board or catch a baseball, the pride and accomplishment this child feels when he learns something new is wonderful to witness. He sits awfully tall and proud on that bike seat.

He’s also learning to write his name and is more and more into writing notes and drawing. His favorite thing to draw right now is people. Super heroes and families we know are among his favorite subjects.

We saw the end of the first Tball season last weekend... Best part about it? I think he likes the trophey (a.k.a. his Piston Cup a la Cars) as much as anything... maybe short his LA Dodgers hat which he pretty much hasn't taken off since he got it.

the moves

I read somewhere that this is the golden age of babyhood. B is 5 months (22 weeks today) and is such a happy boy.

I know because he offers up big smiles all the time. Huge smiles. They come over his face starting with his mouth up to his eyes and I swear his ears probably wiggle as the wave of emotion passes over his face. It's a process. Wide on both sides... Which reminds me how Grant's smiles at this age used to remind us of Harrison Ford... crooked from one side to the other.

B has some moves these days. His favorite is the two legged kick. It's almost like he's going to do that break dance move where you lay on your back, kick and arch your back until suddenly you're standing... you know the one? I wouldn't be suprised to see him do it. I mean, he's been doing his cruches... got the stomach muscles all toned. Seriously, he lifts his melon and his shoulders up off the floor trying to sit all the way. If he could get his spine to stiffen up, he'd be upright, all the time. Won't be long...

Move number two is impressive for a boy this age. The inch worm. (isn't that also a break dance?) Just this week, we've noticed some major progress in his tummy time scooting. I've seen him full on, up on his knees a couple times.... then he works his body like an inch worm along the floor right off the blanket we have down, onto the rug and then he spits up. on the rug. nine times ouf of 10. Never on the blanket. truly. never. on. the. blanket.

Yes, we still have spit up like no other. The bibs and burb cloths are in constant rotation. we change clothes a lot more, too and the result is truly a mountain of laundry. I folded for a full hour the other night. I was behind... and I was determined to clear the dining room table... but seriously, an hour? That's a lot of folding.

We started solids about a month ago. Just following the four month appointment. At first he wasn't so sure. And we didn't have a good routine in place, so it was total chaos. Now we've finally fallen into the mode of feeding B while our dinner cooks. Then he's usually pretty cooperative and content to hang and digest while we eat. He's had all his fruits and I am starting veggies Monday.

B has found his voice in a big way... it started about a month ago with squeels of delight. Loud ones! Now, he "talks" to his toys and you can tell when he's giving them a talking to... he wants to do more than he can...

His coordination has come on so strong. When he reaches out for a toy, he usually gets it these days. He will hold his pacifier in his hand and from time to time, get it back into his mouth.

He "sings" in the car to and from school. And tonight he hummed himself to sleep in my arms, smelling all yummy with his hair all freshly washed and fuzzy.

And I realize, now I am just making a list. But at least I am getting the list of all these things out of my head and into the record. I know from experience with G that I won't remember. I am constantly referencing my journals with G, trying to piece togehter timetables of when what happens and when he did what.

To quote Ferris Bueler, "Life moves pretty fast..." We celebrated 10 years of wedded bliss earlier this month. As part of our celebration* we showed G the wedding video. He was super impressed and liked our costumes a lot. It was so fun to see everyone 10 years ago. Especially the kids. G didn't beleive for one second that baby in the video was his cool cousin Alex...

About the same time as our anni, G's teacher Miss Vanessa became Mrs. Vanessa and went on a honeymoon to Disney (which G thought sounded like a great idea. In fact, he's currently planning our next vacation. He wants to go back to Sam's house in Colorado and to the beach).

Anyway, the wedding talk seems to have made an impression on my eldest ladies man. So much so he's made a move on his classmate Isabella and they have announced their plans to marry. She's going to wear her snow white costume and G is going to where his daddy's tuxedo. This talk has been going on consistently for weeks. And just this week we got an invitation to her house for a housewarming party. Of course, we have to go. Meet the inlaws and all...

A real ladies man we are raising here. This kid literally picked up several cute and sassy divas in their 20s outside a cupcake store in uptown park on a Friday night. It was our anniversary* we celebrated with the entire extended family at Cafe Express. I wanted to do something special with G so we dashed to the cupcake store across the way (where they incidentally charge $36/doz). On our way out, he says "Hi ladies, we got some good cupcakes."

That G. He's a real softy. Sensitive type... he hugged B the other day in the kitchen and B really did kinda hug him back, wrapped his arm around his neck and cooed. It was a real moment. I looked at G and thought he might cry. He realized it was a moment every bit as much as I did. On the opposite end of the spectrum, G was getting in a bit of trouble tonight. I was standing in the hall, holding B facing outward with one arm and pointing my finger at G while I lectured with a raised voice on the reasons not to goof around until you fall down and get hurt in the bathroom. Anyway, B must have been smiling at G while I was bitching. Cuz, G glanced at his Bro and kinda smirked in the middle of his pout. And I saw my future flash before my eyes! These two already have a brotherly form of communication and a bond... and it's only just begun.

I can't let the update go without mentioning the stomach virus we barely suvived last week. Had us down like dominoes, on a 24 hour rotation nearly to the minute. Probably picked it up in the doc office while there for B's ear infection... which I thought was a sinus infection since G had that along with a fever the week before. Wellness would be so nice, but I know the casa won't be truly rested or well for a few more months. I have found myself in a total daze more often. Just out of it. Need to find a way to get my me time and my sleep in.

In extracurricular news:

Deeda put in a great stent for the 2010 HSL&R. I think it's safe to say on his behalf he thoroughly enjoys the work, loves the cause and the commraderie. He even got G a spot in the grand entry parade, carrying on what I will officially call a family tradition.

T-ball is super fun. Practice on tuesdays, games on saturdays...Tball at age four is really something. In his first game, G's was standing on third when the coach told him to "run after the ball." Coach meant, run home after the batter hits the ball. Grant heard what he said literally and when the ball was hit, G dashed into the outfield after the ball. It was like something from a movie. complete with the visual of a tiny child in a HUGE batting helmet looking like a bobble head running after the ball.

I hosted an event for about 30 Friends of Red at the casa last night...wine was a good draw for some bonding and furthering the effort to turn the great school around the corner into a neighborhood school again. I am also enrolled in a photo class for the month of April and continue to be inspired by bread crumbs I am following from my new connnections at Mom 2.0.

So- I think that's the summary. Geeeshh... it's a lot! I wouldn't blame anyone for not reading ALL THIS blabbing... but at this point, I am just trying to catch up and maintian the family record. Once again, I will vow to post more often. shorter blurbs. more reader friendly. I know.

****************************************

* Oh yeah, the asterisks. I didn't want to interrupt the story I was telling to stop and tell another. I don't know why, but I really was feeling a lot of anticipation and excitement for ouranniversary this year. Ten years! It's a big deal. So much has happen in that time and it's a nice even number to measure just how much has gone down. One tile kitchen floor. Two houses. Two kids. Vacations. Infamous nights out. A lot of nights at home (the best)...

Anyhoo, we had great intentions to get away or at least get out for a better than average date night. As it turned out, Deeda babysat while I spent the evening on our anniversary with the Raben clan due to the death of dear Mamu/Rubye's. Her death was both a loss and a blessing. She will be missed.

The days that followed were frustrating. We had a house full of family... we wanted to celebrate our anniversary... and I wanted to be with the family too... We didn't even have sufficient time to exchange cards until nearly a week later... much less have a real talk and contemplate our life together... I was so frustrated over the whole thing. Did I mention I was frustrated?

And then I made an important realization. A distinction really. Marriage is about two people, yes. But it's also about family. It's the whole enchilda. And even though the family stuff was all in our face and seemed to be impairing our anniversary celebration, in the end it helped me see that. I am so grateful for our family. All of them. I wrote something really good to that end in C's card. It was better than what I am coming up with right now. But you get the gist.

Mom 2.0 Inspired

Since it would surely be sacrilege to attend Mom 2.0 and not post something about it on my blog, here goes.

This conference, geared toward mom bloggers, celebrated motherhood, talked about maintaining authenticity in the face of marketing endorsements and encouraged this influential market to use its collective voice to its full potential. Talk of how the community of mom bloggers (though built in cyberspace, it really is a community) raises their audience up by sharing their experiences was another recurring theme. It's true. No doubt. Reading and relating to a story feels good. It reminds me I am not the only one whose life feels like this.

And that’s just the most concise way I can offer the gist of what was covered over two days. There’s plenty more, but what I really want to get to is the feelings my time among these amazing ladies elicited. I left the Four Seasons hotel Saturday afternoon, empowered, inspired, high, mindful, grateful, warm AND fuzzy. I wanted to figure out how to bottle the mix of emotions. I hardly remember driving home, I was so lost in thought. I came straight to my keyboard to put down some notes. Anything to capture the essence of the day. And then I remembered what drew me to the event in the first place. This feeling had already been bottled!


No wonder this video has gone truly viral. More than 50,000 hits last I looked. This piece by Katherine Center is, to me, the essence of what keeps me going when I feel like this motherhood gig is too much. This is important work, and it is work. The line “what you’re doing matters” was a theme of Mom 2.0. It’s a phrase I will repeat to myself again and again.

I’ve been a little hoodoovoodoo about this whole thing since I stumbled upon it about a month ago. It just seemed like the universe aligned to get me there. I am so glad it did.

It actually started last summer. I was in Kinkos dropping off a Fed Ex. A little girl approached me and said,

“My mommy wrote a book. You should read it.”

She handed me a card. I smiled at the girl and her mom and walked out the door having a little conversation with myself about how a mom would find time to write a book and how cute it was that the girl was so proud of her mom…. I put the card in my wallet.

Flash forward. About three weeks ago. I come across the card. I start bumping around and see the video. I watch it twice (and 20 times since) and tear up. So good! At the end I notice the mention of Opmom. Opmom.com (now http://www.thetastefullife.com/) is the site my friend Carrie Pacini started… It is a small world after all. Hmmmm? Wheels turning, already inspired and I hadn't even registered yet.

When I got to the speaker list, I was floored. The lineup was truly incredible. The more I read, the more excited I got. Admittedly, what excited me the very most was a bit of star power. One of my absolute favorite bloggers, Heather Armstrong, was booked as a keynote.

For my grandparent readership, Heather Armstrong was on the list of Forbes Most Influential Women in Media in 2009. Number 26. If you read her post at dooce.com about being number 26 you’ll get a sense for why I love reading her blog. Her success as a blogger is groundbreaking. She also just penned a deal with HGTV. Quite a case study. Above all, she makes me laugh and sometimes I really need a laugh. She writes (for all the world to read) the kind of things I only say in my head. I relate to her. We’re a lot alike. Only she’s on the Forbes list with Oprah and Barbra WaWa.

And here comes the point. The source of some of the empowerment that came for me personally at Mom 2.0 is the fact that we are alike. I sat there in awe of Heather Armstrong, and so many other ladies I met. So many. And guess what? They aren’t so different from me. Short of the long: I left reminded that I can accomplish big, cool and powerful things, too. I don’t know what big things I am out to accomplish, but being reminded I can is a start.

It’s easy to get busy getting by. Day to day. Hamster wheel syndrome. “Time to make the donuts”… Time to feed the baby. Time to go to work. Doldrums. It happens to me and I am one of the lucky ones who really loves my husband, kids and work. I can’t imagine what it’d be like to be unhappy in any of these areas AND live in the wheel.

This is not to say that the daily grind isn't part of "what matters." It all matters. Cooking dinner on a weeknight can be a chore, but sitting down to the table as a family matters. It all matters. The good. The bad. And the ugly. It's all part of life and very necessary.

It's just that to set out to do big, cool and powerful things, I need some time to focus on something besides the things that are required. Getting up and going to work is required. Doing laundry is required. The store. Picking up the house. The good ole todo list. It should be called the have to list. By the time all the perquisites are done, there’s not much time left (if any) to dive into the higher level coursework so to speak. The want to list.

Time to move up from Life 101. Step one: make and take time to daydream and formulate full thoughts, theories and ideas. Time to be me. Not mommy me. Not wife me. Not marketer me. Just me. So, I can be open to and look for inspiration. I love being all those other versions of myself. But after Mom 2.0 kids, I need to be the first version of myself from time to time.

I am one of bajillions of women desperate for some time to herself. I get it. I am not saying anything new here. I am just saying, this event reminded me how powerful taking the time can be. By taking time to find passion and enthusiasm we live bigger, better lives. When I go out and get empowered, I bring it home to the dinner table for the boys to see. The "time out" I took last week is really all it took to stop fussing, breathe, get inspired and fired up. Battery charged. It was so worth it. It was so simple. It was super special. I am still flying!

the story changes daily

THAT WAS THEN – bittersweet. more sweet than bitter.
January 7, 2010

It was inevitable. The tears would come.

So, I was feeling “ready” for a few hours without little B. A few errands ALL BY MYSELF (I sound like G) seemed like a really good idea. A couple hours away and a short stint for B to spend his first day at “school.” Start with baby steps, so to speak.

And then I was in the classroom giving detailed instructions to three women who probably know thousands more baby tricks than I do. I was lingering and hovering –finding it hard to walk out the door. Eventually, I did. Thanks to a lunch date with Sarah (at which we had a glass of wine. It helped).

Couple hours later, I returned to find B was fine. We both survived.

When I did this, nearly four years ago with G, I truly thought it was the end of the world. I thought I was already failing at the motherhood gig, because I didn’t consider it a viable option to totally change our lifestyle and find a way to make it work on one income. Possible? Sure. People do it all the time on far less. But right for our family? Not so much.

Still, I worried that daycare would not be good for G. He’d wind up with abandonment issues and he’d be confused about who his “primary caregiver” was…blah, blah, blah. Oh the trauma and the guilt. Drama mama! Truth is, G’s going to daycare had more negative impact on me than it ever had on him. I never would try to convince a first time mom of this. I couldn’t have believed it before. But, I think school has helped make G the social butterfly he is.

The child introduces people… is the life of a party… knows a lot of stuff I couldn’t teach him myself and is a super caring kiddo with a generous heart. He’d be all that anyway, but when it comes to how he interacts with others and his comfort level with himself – I think school has given him a lot we couldn’t have offered him at home.

So this time around, I know B will benefit in many ways. I know he knows I am the mama.( I know because he snuggles me different than anyone else and I do love that!) I know he’ll be entertained, rocked, fed, changed and talked to. And I know we’ll find a routine that works.

I am not misty with worry. I am misty because he’s going on 12 weeks old. These precious weeks have gone by too fast. And he’ll never be two days, two weeks or two months old again. The moments are so fleeting! And the photos don’t capture the smell or the emotions attached to these moments in time. I am already forgetting little details I want to remember. Like how huge his cheeks were when he was born, the hair on his hears, the size of his little hands and feet… I already can’t think of what else I want to list…

On one hand I am tired of anticipating the end of maternity leave. It’s weighing on me really. Just get here and get it over with already. On the other hand, I am clinging to every moment. Taking liberty to hold him through entire naps because I can… It will be a real luxury to find time to do that on a weekend when we’ve got birthday parties to go to, errands to run and life to get in order before we begin again on Monday. Besides, before long he’ll be too big to hold for an entire nap… before too long, he’ll look up at me and say, “I don’t need you to cuddle me tonight.” As G does now from time to time… (thank goodness he also says, “I want you to carry me.” )

I knew it would go by too quickly and I knew the list of things I really wanted to do was unrealistic from the start. I haven’t done the craft projects I had in mind, read the books I’d planned to, or even watched a bunch of good movies. Days have gone by quickly just keeping up with laundry, running to the store and preparing for and celebrating the holidays. We live in three hour increments between feedings, on no real nap schedule.

I was tired some days. At my wits end on occasion (especially during those few weeks of crying jags). I snapped off several heads (and apologized). But I also soaked it up. I noticed when I felt totally happy. And I did. Quite a lot of the time…

How often do you get to feel totally and completely happy? How often does the joy totally and completely override the worries and todos and todon’ts? For me, it’s not that often….I am more often glass half empty. A great devil’s advocate. Slightly pessimistic. And I am not a morning person. This is my nature. I am not unhappy. I just view the world with caution and I am slow to wake up.

But when he smiles, it’s total and complete happiness. The joy overrides EVERYTHING. It fills the air. In the morning, (early morning) when he’s stirring and ready for a change and bottle, I appear over him in the pack and play at the end of our bed and he smiles a huge gummy smile – a smile that wrinkles his nose and reaches all the way to his eyes. That’s a great way to start the day.

When there’s a baby around, the world just looks different. It’s harder to ignore all that is right.

******

THIS IS NOW - It’s not quite so sappy today… a little snotty, in fact.
Tuesday, January 12, 2010

What a difference a few days makes. Focus shifted.

So, G started with the fever on Saturday. Sunday appetite disappeared, fever remained and he threw up in his bed, the hall and then finally, the toilet. Monday morning, the doc said she didn’t think it was the flu. Until she tested anyway out of concern for Baby B and confirmed G has type A flu. “Could be swine flu,” she said, “we’re still seeing some of that in the community.”

It’s Tuesday and the fever only just let up tonight. High was above 103. Tamiflu seems to be kicking in and I have a filled scrip in the fridge ready in the event B shows any signs… Every spit up, sneeze or cough makes me feel like he’s a time bomb. Not to mention the fact that every little something I feel in my body has me thinking, “Oh Sh**! I’ve got it.” I wouldn’t be surprised, I have been sneezed on a few times. Lots o' snot r us. And despite cans of Lysol stationed at key points with sanitizer and Clorox wipes, it’s just hard to contain the germs.

Meanwhile Deeda continues to recover from his elbow surgery last Thursday and it seems we discover something else he can’t do each day. (Some way to spend your 37 birthday. Happy Bday Deeda. It's 12:15. The day is officially yours.) Having your right arm wrapped and immobilized requires help putting on pants that don’t have an elastic waistband, deodorant, serving food, putting on shoes, etc… Oh! and no driving! And he’s in this bandage until next Friday (at least). I get cabin fever for him just thinking about it. Meds seem to help with pain but that could also be because shortly after he takes them, he goes to sleep…

Thank heavens Nana is a real trooper and (once again) extended her trip. She has literally been here more than she’s been home in the last few months. I can’t be thankful enough. Her physical and moral support are a tremendous help. Ready at standby, too, is Grams who drove C to the doc today and will return tomorrow for appointment "part deaux." Strategically, I don’t want to expose her to our germs because we need her even more if I “go down” or Nana goes down. Seriously, you never know...

Maybe we’re over reacting a little but I feel like some strategy is important… It’s kinda funny and inconvenient right now, but it could get ugly fast if this flu starts making the rounds about the family.

So, none of this is what I had planned for this, the last week of maternity leave. This week was to be the start of some routine… B going to daycare. Me going to get a haircut and my teeth cleaned, maybe squeeze in a fun project and finalize Bday party prep for G (festivities are scheduled for Saturday morning a joint party with pal Brooks). Once again, I had visions of homemade cakes, aprons and pearls. Wrong! once again. Just not in the cards.

48 hour no fever school rule means, G could, maybe, go to school on Friday if he stays on the steady upward swing. Friday sounds VERY far away this Tuesday night. AND now that he’s feeling human again, it will only be harder to keep him quiet and in recovery mode. Meanwhile, I want to watch B with my own two eyes so I can administer tamiflu the second he does anything out of the ordinary. He is not going to school and getting used to it as we’d carefully planned. From what I read online we're not really in the clear until the weekend is behind us.

I have managed to regain some perspective since this morning when I felt sorry enough for everyone, including myself, to have a little cry and pick a fight with Deeda. It’s just bad timing. C’s surgery alone would have been enough… add flu to the mix and the emotion surrounding the big back to work day and we have a “tilt” situation. BUT I was able to keep the ball in play. Where are all these silver linings are coming from these days? Who am I? As I sat in G’s bedroom with him watching the portable DVD player… in our PJ’s at noonish, I did remember that I said wanted to sit around and watch movies ( I was thinking something other than Cars again, but it still is a cute show, even the 750th time). I do want all the time I can get at home with the kiddos. So, in some ways, maybe this ordeal has made me slow down and do some of that… So, I did it with a can of Lysol on my hand. Still counts.

Gotta laugh, really. Not much else you can do between baby feedings, sterilizations and wrapping C’s arm in saran so he can shower. I’ll finish by saying, I so know it could be worse. I recognize none of this is serious. And I know how fortunate I am to have the help I do… but still. Really?

p.s. no photos for these posts because I still haven’t sorted through the photos or made any uploads since thanksgiving… eventually. There are some good ones. I got a new lens for my birthday!